Often, my nearly four year old son will tell me he cant do something. And usually he will utter that phrase before even trying. I have tried to curtail that way of thinking. "I can't" is defeatist.
I can't" is negative. Successful people are neither. I hear that same defeatist phrase from many of my students. And so I have been thinking about that phrase and I think I know what is really going on.
When my son says "I can't" he does not man that he is incapable of performing a task, but rather he is uncertain how to begin. As I teach him to tie his shoes I just do not tell him to watch me. Instead I break it into steps. For a week all he does is cross one lace over the other. And then I ask him to please do the first step in tying your shoes, and he does.
I think its the same with undergraduates. Undergraduates certainly have the ability to complete any task. Ijust think that they do not know how to start the task. And while some of my colleagues might conclude that how to start any task is covered in the syllabus, I think they might be missing the point. How to start is not a hard skill. How to start is a soft skill. Children have to be taught the steps to tie their shoes. One step at a time. Children have to be taught how to compete any task and at various ages children are able to figure out some stuff on their own.
Thus I have concluded two things: 1) Undergraduates lack the soft skills necessary to succeed and in this case the soft skills is how to ask for assistance if they cannot figure out how to complete a task. Maybe the "You can do anything" parenthood mantra of the last 20 years has sunk so deeply into the psyche of teenagers that when they come face to face with a task that is truly difficult they just quit. They lack the grit. Grit is another soft skills. So, maybe those who say "I can't" just do not know how to ask for help because they might not know how to even begin to accomplish a task. And, 2) "I can't" means "I am afraid of failing and if I try and do not succeed I will have nobody to blame but myself and therefore I just will not even try."
I do not care for the phrase "I can't." I teach my son how to avoid using that phrase and I work to get my students to understand the difference between "I can't" do something with "I can't" figure out how to properly start something.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Can't is a work I try not to use. I feel as though if it is humanly possible there is no reason I should not be able to do it. Had the soldiers of the 13 colonies said "they cant" we would not be this great nation. Think of the things we would be able to achieve if we lived life not knowing the words "I can't". Nothing would be impossible.
ReplyDeleteIn order to stop using the words “I can’t” one has to have a moment or season of awakening. They have to have an “aha” moment, if you will. This can happen before or after undergraduate years in college; it’s different for everyone. However, the timing of this awakening will affect one’s academic life greatly. If they are like me, and had their “aha” moment in high school, success in college will come easily. However, if the “aha” moment doesn’t come until the end or after undergrad, success will not come as easily. Let me share a little about my “aha” moment. I had no idea what I was doing as a freshman and sophomore in high school. I didn’t know how to properly study, ask questions, and learn. My grades were not good at the time because of these things. In fact, I didn’t even know who I really was. This was before I trusted in Jesus Christ. However, I came to faith in Christ before my junior year, and that was when I had my “aha” moment. I realized who I was and my potential. I then knew that Christ was in control of my life, and He calls me to work diligently in all things for Him. Therefore, by His grace, I learned how I learn, I believed I could succeed in school, I asked as many questions as I needed, and I made excellent grades. I ended up graduating at the top twenty five percent of my class- praise The Lord! Everyone needs to get to a point where they can say “I can” because they can! If everyone moped around saying they can’t do it, we wouldn’t be where we are today.
ReplyDeleteI agree that there is a need to help young adults refine their skill set as it pertains to soft skills and building characteristics associated with GRIT. With the advancement of technology and science I also believe there is an education gap between how young people learn today, and how the education system meets that demand. It’s easy to say young people lack the characteristics of GRIT and the soft skills to ask for help, but I think the tougher question that’s not being answered in education is how we evolve an antiquated system to support development. The education system has, in a sense, been the same for (approximately) over 100 years in a world that continues to rapidly change. It could be fair to say “I can’t” might also indicate, “I can’t associate with learning this way”. Focusing on trying to change young adults to assimilate into an antiquated system is flawed thinking. The focus should be on how to raise the standards and change the education establishment to meet the needs of children and young adults.
ReplyDeleteI agree that there is a need to help young adults refine their skill set as it pertains to soft skills and building characteristics associated with GRIT. With the advancement of technology and science I also believe there is an education gap between how young people learn today, and how the education system meets that demand. It’s easy to say young people lack the characteristics of GRIT and the soft skills to ask for help, but I think the tougher question that’s not being answered in education is how we evolve an antiquated system to support development. The education system has, in a sense, been the same for (approximately) over 100 years in a world that continues to rapidly change. It could be fair to say “I can’t” might also indicate, “I can’t associate with learning this way”. Focusing on trying to change young adults to assimilate into an antiquated system is flawed thinking. The focus should be on how to raise the standards and change the education establishment to meet the needs of children and young adults.
ReplyDeleteI could not agree more when you say that I can't really means I do not how to be begin. There are so many assignments that I spend hours staring at the computer just trying to figure out how to begin. I tell my sisters or friends that I don’t know if I can do my assignment only to actually start and knock it out really quickly. You also touched on something when you said a lot of undergraduate are afraid of asking for assistance. For me, I just don’t like to look dumb and I have this mentality that if no one is asking any questions then I should not have any question too. I know this is a juvenile way of thinking but I CAN’T help it. The words “I can’t” can also substitute for I am afraid. Many situations that I have said I can’t towards has been things that I was actually scare of the outcome.
ReplyDeleteI think it's great that you want to get your son into the habit of NOT using that word. That is a going to ensure he puts in his best effort in everything he does in his life. Those simple words that make-up that phrase have a negative connotation because it can kill a person's hopes and dreams before you even give something a fighting chance. I agree with the part of your conclusion that states the younger generation of graduate students find it difficult to ask for help. We find it easier just to give up, when that should never be option in the first place. My mom always told me I am a very logical thinker, so I like to try to figure the whole situation out before I get started on anything. I try to set up a plan of how I will accomplish something then get it done in steps. even I can admit that sometimes I do not want to go out of my way to ask for help because it might make me look dumb but that's not a good approach. We have to get into the habit of starting things off with a positive attitude for better results in the future.
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ReplyDeleteI really like your perspective and your approach to the situation at hand. It reminds of my mom in a sense. She constantly reminds me not to give up before trying. She also says it’s because all she wants is for me to be better than her. A lot of the time, it's very important for someone to be there to remind us that it is okay to ask for help. I personally do not like to burden other people with my issues, even when I know it is necessary. I learned the hard way that too much pride can really hurt you in the long run. Even though I prefer to do things on my own, there are some things that I just cannot handle solo. Also, our mindset affects the outcome of our circumstances. Positive thinking, and a little hard work will result something much greater than thinking 'why bother' and not trying at all. Call me crazy, but I believe it is possible to speak things into existence. So, I try not to use the phrase, “I can’t”.
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ReplyDeleteI believe that the reason so many people say "I cant" and give up is because we have been taught that failing is bad. An irrational fear of failure is what makes us not even want to try something that seems mildly challenging, or even something we don't know how to start. I have been bad at math for almost as long as I can remember. I believe that my problem started in first grade, I recall one scenario in which I was asked to figure out how many sets of tens and fives fit in 155, I tried my hardest and got in line at the teachers desk to present my work. When she saw my work she explained that my work was wrong and tried to guide me through the problem, after what seemed like an eternity, I still didn't understand. She was so frustrated that she took the notebook from the desk and told me to get out of her face and go to my desk. I felt humiliated and like a failure. Before the day was over, she called me to her desk and she asked me to leave my work blank if I didn't understand it and that she would try to help me if she could. I started leaving blank problems in my homework and she gave up and stopped helping me. After that, I learned that not doing something was better than failing at doing something, I linked failure with losing, rejection and humiliation. Therefore if i don't know how to start doing something, I may not know how to finish it and I will fail and failure means losing and nobody likes losing. Asking for help starting something has proven difficult, especially as an adult who's expected to have it together, it's a work in progress and I'm getting better and better at asking every day.
ReplyDeleteAs a child I remember saying i cant a lot and it was because I heard my mother using the words and I also watched her struggle the entire time I was growing up and now that I'm grown I KNOW I CAN because I believe everything is what you make of it. I'm very open minded to learning new things and with really understanding sometimes you just have to ask question. In middle/high school was the kid in class that would ask 20 questions if it was necessary I didn't care If I held the teacher from going on the the next question because my goal was to graduate in the top of my class and I did I graduated number 8 out of like 700 students and at our school top ten was front row so I was able to achieve that one goal. I can say if I had more people telling me I can and being positive next to me it would have felt easier to achieve more goals in life. What your giving your son should pave a successful life for him keep it up.
ReplyDeleteLatia Taylor
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ReplyDeleteWhen somebody says "I can’t" they are actually blocking their minds and labeling the challenge as "impossible" or " not worth fighting for." By the time it is imminent to perform the task, it will be harder to perform . It is important to think in a positive way and think about the possible repercussions of not overcoming the challenge. As a foreign student I encounter many challenges adapting to my new environment. When I moved to Mexico I was afraid of not being able to be at the same level as my classmates. However, that did not stopped me from trying. I always told myself " If you don't try, you'll never know what would have happened." At that time, I didn't know anything about geography or history from Mexico. However, I tried my best and succeeded with one of the best scores in my class. Another good example pertains the discovery of America. The author of the book “American Perspectives” describes the challenges John Smith encounter as he tries to keep the colony standing. The government wasn’t supportive and he had to put some order in a chaotic and hungry colony. Such challenge did not stopped him from trying. He never said I can’t. He did his best and feed a hungry colony of settlers.
ReplyDeleteSofia Herrera 1301 student
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ReplyDelete“I can’t” and impossible tend go along with each other. What if I told you that neither of those words exists in the medical field? Especially in the emergency medical field, mainly within 911. If you were to give up all hope when hope is needed, then you are not fulfilling the obligation of being in the medical professional. If I were to give up because I thought, it was impossible to save a child’s life then my certification would be worthless. Same goes with “I can’t,” fix that broken leg, and “I can’t” stop that serious bleeding from that lacerated wrist of a teenager with depression issues. If I were to follow the common meanings of those simple words or if all paramedics were to fall in line with those meanings, then what would be the point? Can you imagine what would have happened if John Smith had quite trying? Howard Zinn talks in his book “A People’s History of The United States” about his issues and complications he had with trying to keep the colony afloat. I know they are two completely different topics, but they deal with the same concept. Never give up. If John Smith gave up, we probably would not be what we are now, The United States of America. -Bryan Murrell, HIST 1301, November 2, 2016.
ReplyDeleteAs stated by Dr.Ross-Nazzal in this article, "I can't" means "I am afraid of failing and if I try and do not succeed I will have nobody to blame but myself and therefore I just will not even try."
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with Dr.Ross-Nazzal. I can’t means accepting failure without even trying. I believe that failure has never been a shame or something to be afraid of. Instead, I believe that not trying and being afraid of not succeeding is the real failure. It doesn’t matter if we succeed or fail at the first time. What really matters is trying. We learn from our mistakes, and we keep on trying. From my personal experience, I used to be afraid of every new thing I would do. When I first came to the United States, I was even afraid of talking to people because I was unsure of my English. Then, I stood up for myself and decided to not fail in trying. I started challenging myself in everything I would do just to encourage myself and gain more self-confidence. Actually that worked. When I decided to not say ”I can’t” anymore, everything seemed doable for me, and I changed a lot. I found out that the secret of success is forgetting about the “I can’t” and always thinking of the “yes I can.” As mentioned in the lecture of Dr.Nazzal, Another example would be John Adams, who led the continental congress and was ahead of everyone. John Adams was courageous and didn’t think of failure. Instead he worked hard for the independence of his people as much as he was dreaming of independence. Believing that one person cannot do something is failure from the very beginning. I believe that positive thinking and self-confidence should replace the “I can’t” thought in every single step in life for a successful life.
Sirine Mars Chouat
Reference: Dr. Ross-Nazzal, “Empire to independence.”
As stated by Dr.Ross-Nazzal in this article, "I can't" means "I am afraid of failing and if I try and do not succeed I will have nobody to blame but myself and therefore I just will not even try."
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with Dr.Ross-Nazzal. I can’t means accepting failure without even trying. I believe that failure has never been a shame or something to be afraid of. Instead, I believe that not trying and being afraid of not succeeding is the real failure. It doesn’t matter if we succeed or fail at the first time. What really matters is trying. We learn from our mistakes, and we keep on trying. From my personal experience, I used to be afraid of every new thing I would do. When I first came to the United States, I was even afraid of talking to people because I was unsure of my English. Then, I stood up for myself and decided to not fail in trying. I started challenging myself in everything I would do just to encourage myself and gain more self-confidence. Actually that worked. When I decided to not say ”I can’t” anymore, everything seemed doable for me, and I changed a lot. I found out that the secret of success is forgetting about the “I can’t” and always thinking of the “yes I can.” As mentioned in the lecture of Dr.Nazzal, Another example would be John Adams, who led the continental congress and was ahead of everyone. John Adams was courageous and didn’t think of failure. Instead he worked hard for the independence of his people as much as he was dreaming of independence. Believing that one person cannot do something is failure from the very beginning. I believe that positive thinking and self-confidence should replace the “I can’t” thought in every single step in life for a successful life.
Sirine Mars Chouat
Reference: Dr. Ross-Nazzal, “Empire to independence.”
- I believe the reason people are so used to giving up when saying “I can’t” is because it is literally the easy way out. It’s like trying to pay an injustice ticket without fighting against it because it is so much easier to get it out the way. In a way we can blame our generation for being so used to instant gratification that it is so much harder to wait it out. Another thing is that were so used to ignoring our own problems after giving up. It shouldn’t be this way if we want to see progress. In a way we have to stop telling ourselves that “I can’t” and push through it.
ReplyDeleteI do find myself using the phrase "I can't" a bit too much since i started my first semester of college. Around September i wanted to get a part time job but decided not too because i told myself that I couldn't focus on both school and a job. And i really do regret not taking the opportunity of getting a part time job. Yes it would've taken time away from my studies but a little extra money on the side wouldn't have hurt. I know that i can not blame school for not allowing me to be able to get a job because i am the one who chose not to atleast try. "I can't " has always been an easier choice for me but with the phrase "I can't" also come with the regret of not taking the time and chance of actually trying.
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