Often, my nearly four year old son will tell me he cant do something. And usually he will utter that phrase before even trying. I have tried to curtail that way of thinking. "I can't" is defeatist.
I can't" is negative. Successful people are neither. I hear that same defeatist phrase from many of my students. And so I have been thinking about that phrase and I think I know what is really going on.
When my son says "I can't" he does not man that he is incapable of performing a task, but rather he is uncertain how to begin. As I teach him to tie his shoes I just do not tell him to watch me. Instead I break it into steps. For a week all he does is cross one lace over the other. And then I ask him to please do the first step in tying your shoes, and he does.
I think its the same with undergraduates. Undergraduates certainly have the ability to complete any task. Ijust think that they do not know how to start the task. And while some of my colleagues might conclude that how to start any task is covered in the syllabus, I think they might be missing the point. How to start is not a hard skill. How to start is a soft skill. Children have to be taught the steps to tie their shoes. One step at a time. Children have to be taught how to compete any task and at various ages children are able to figure out some stuff on their own.
Thus I have concluded two things: 1) Undergraduates lack the soft skills necessary to succeed and in this case the soft skills is how to ask for assistance if they cannot figure out how to complete a task. Maybe the "You can do anything" parenthood mantra of the last 20 years has sunk so deeply into the psyche of teenagers that when they come face to face with a task that is truly difficult they just quit. They lack the grit. Grit is another soft skills. So, maybe those who say "I can't" just do not know how to ask for help because they might not know how to even begin to accomplish a task. And, 2) "I can't" means "I am afraid of failing and if I try and do not succeed I will have nobody to blame but myself and therefore I just will not even try."
I do not care for the phrase "I can't." I teach my son how to avoid using that phrase and I work to get my students to understand the difference between "I can't" do something with "I can't" figure out how to properly start something.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
